The Craft of the Cocktail

First of all, I'm sorry to borrow the title of a great bartending book, but it just seemed to be the appropriate name. There's a crusade of sorts that's been fluttering around cosmopolitan towns for more than decade, but is just hitting Cincinnati en mass in the last year or two. It's the quality, well-crafted drink. Now granted, there are some bartenders here in town who have been more aware of this trend for a lot longer, but not because they knew it was "cutting edge," but rather because they knew it's just the right way to drink. I remember slipping in to Neon's 15 years ago and getting all excited about Terry Carter's fresh squeezed juices. I was a young pup at the time, sneaking in when I was 22 (I say that because Neon's was 25 and up), and tossing my beer aside for fresh squeezed Kamikaze's and real lime in my Gin & tonic. It felt "right." Now, thank goodness, a lot more people are doing this, and are aware of the beauty of a "proper" drink. Molly Wellman is one of these people. You should seek her out and belly up to her bar. There are others too. Find them... trust me. Now, I've vented about martini lists before, but don't get me started on my feelings for seeing a drink list on the bar of featured, specialty concoctions, and then ordering one... only to watch them hoist a bottle of browned-out Rose's lime into the mix. If I don't jump over the bar and smack them, I at least give a subtle jab at the "genius" behind the work. Oh, and I never return. It's like the dirty bathroom theory: If they're willing to have a dirty bathroom, that which every patron can clearly see, how dirty are the spots they can't see? Same idea. If they claim to make a great drink and they stand right in front of you mixing Donald Duck brand grapefruit juice, or Rose's lime/grenadine (it's not supposed to be cherry flavored, by the way) and then charge you $7.50 for the drink... what's the kitchen look like? What's really going into your burger? Is it really worth $10.00? The bartender is like the Maitre D'. It's a first impression. It's an indicator of quality and the personality of the place. It's important... very important to have a passionate, quality-driven "chef" behind the bar.
Now, back to the "craft of the cocktail" and my recent issue. As you've probably gathered, I love a quality drink, and I feel like I deserve one after a long day. As a recent mixologist said to me, "I'm not snobby." I'm not either. I just want delicious. Thankfully, a lot more establishments see the importance of this and are working hard to give it to the customer. However, some are doing this at a pretty steep cost. They're scaring away a lot of clientele. You see, nothing is more of a turn off when you're at a bar talking to some guy or girl for the first time, than them being a cocky, snooty ass. Why then would you want your bartender to be that way? I'm all for well-made imbibery (not sure if that's really a word), but just do it. Don't promote yourself like a pompous, know-it-all. Just make the drink. I'll know you're good at what you do just by watching you make it, and ultimately tasting it. I'll even know by seeing what ingredients made the drink list, the wine list or the beers on tap. And yeah, I know fresh squeezed juices are more expensive and time consuming, but let's not get to excited about what it's worth. Charging double-figures for something that should cost $7.00 at the most doesn't make it taste better, in fact it makes it taste a little worse. I've always believed that what all bar owners and bartenders want is to have a good crowd. In the end, it's a business. That's exactly what some people will say to justify their pricing, however, nothing brings money in like someone sitting at the bar. So why is it that a well-crafted cocktail only comes at bars and at prices that only 1/3 of drinkers in town will ever go? Why cut out 2/3 of the potential customers? Don't get me wrong, I love where things are headed, but it needs to be available to the masses. It needs to be more accessible. Not only from a location and a pricing standpoint, but also from the mixologist who's making the drink as well. Be a human being. Wear a smile. Be proud of what you do because you love it, and it makes you feel good when someone takes that first sip and takes the time to compliment your work. Most bartenders are just that... a bar-tender. Someone who "tends" to the bar. They're drink -pourers. Be creative. Be a bar-chef, as I like to call them. Be a pro, and most importantly of all, do it without all the pomp and circumstance. I can tell you that every single one of my most memorable drinks in any bar, anywhere in the world, has been well thought out, carefully made, and made with a smile by the kind of person that I wouldn't mind having a beer with once their shift was over. At the end of the day, isn't that really what we all want. That's what will drive more business to your bar. Not a snob who thinks they're the best mixologist in town and they run everyone off with a combination of over-bearing personality and exorbitant prices. We need more of the fun, humble, talented, passionate and caring people behind the bars in this town. Not only will our drinks taste better, but we'll have no problems ordering another... or another. In the end we'll be COMPLETELY satisfied with the experience.

Plum St. Cafe Made Me Happy

Last Friday night was a welcome change of pace from my more recent nights out. I popped in to Plum St. Cafe downtown and settled in for a more honest drink. It's a beautiful little bar. It's family owned, been around for over 25 years, and it just does what it does: makes everyone feel like a regular with regular prices. There was a great crowd. Not huge in numbers, but a nice mix of locals who live in the surrounding neighborhood and employees from some of the local restaurants and hotels. There was good music playing, and not too loud. Just the right volume to still enjoy conversation and not be too irritated when the occasional "dud" was played. The drinks are fairly priced and seemed to have an eclectic mix of patrons. I found it also seems to be the place where people go to have at least one moment of enjoyable drink either before going somewhere else or after leaving somewhere else. Kind of like having a good drink at home before you head out or the night cap after stumbling in. The man behind the bar on this particular night was none other than Handsome Johnny. A man who has more stories told about him over the last 30 years than any other human being. If you're a guy, you know Johnny from the endless tales about his nights out and his ability to put down a drink. If you're a lady, you know Handsome because of his insatiable appetite for flirting. Either way, he's always entertaining. It was refreshing to sit in a bar that a conversation could be had with anyone at anytime. Where stories are being told, and genuinely listened to. Where songs were shared, sung along to, games were played and friends were made. It's the place where people who usually want to be "seen" go when they want to be "liked". It's where the rest of us go to not regret the night out when we wake up the next morning.

Jean-Robert vs. Relish

I have to admit, I don't know everything about this situation. Mostly just what the papers tell me and a few friends in the business who have had the pleasure of working in their restaurants tell me. That having been said, I offer these thoughts... purely opinion and not rooted in fact: I've found that in the last year there has been an approach from some parties entangled in this dispute that has nothing to do with good business, and more to do with personal vindictiveness. I understand there was an issue, but if I was an adviser to the Relish group, I don't think I'd have them fighting battles like non-competes. For one thing, it tells the whole world, "We're not as good as he is. We don't think our restaurants or employees can compete with him." Do you think that little of your establishments and their staffs? Do you have to try and swab a technicality to keep him shut down because you're afraid he's going to put one of your restaurants out of business? Or, do you just hate him so much, that you're willing to ruin the reputation that your restaurant group has in the efforts to punish him? Seems like the last ditch effort of a schoolyard bully, not a savvy business man.
Then there's the other side. What if Jean-Robert was such a terrible individual to partner with, that it is personal. What if this soap-opera is all just an attempt at payback for terrible things he did over the course of the last eight years? That's possible. However, when I'm out and about on the town, I notice that JR is all over the place with thousands of well-wishers, friends and family who would do anything for him. I know he was the face of the franchise, and that does put a coat of salve on some indiscretions that may have occurred, but that many people can't be wrong. Can they? I know one thing, if Jean-Robert is getting advice from people about his situation, they're obviously better at what they do than the Relish advisers.
Again, I'm not choosing sides. I don't have a favorite pony in the race. I'm just observing from afar. Far enough away at least that I can say it shouldn't be personal for either of them. What's best for this town is for both of them to succeed and win. What's best for anyone (including the 2 people who'll read this) is that all of their efforts not go in vain. We have a gigantic food culture in this town. I know that sounds odd to some, but it's true. Cincinnati has long been a home to foodies and restaurateurs going back to the 70's when we had three 5-star restaurants out of seven in the country. Think about that. Even today, we have chef owned restaurants that absolutely bring it like Hugo, Boca, Nada, Sung Korean and on and on. We have Senate opening it's doors, Terry's Turf Club getting national attention, Vitor's on the westside and even roving burrito and taco trucks that rock our world. We can love and support both JR & Relish. I mean we're busting our chops trying to revitalize downtown and Over-the-Rhine and we get someone starting a cat fight with his neighbor? Gateway Quarter needs Lavomatic to SUCCEED! Not try to compete with Senate by doing what they're not good at. They need to do what they do and do it really well and SUCCEED! Jean-Robert needs to open his restaurant and do the same. This city needs their help and we're all getting screwed because they can't handle this properly. I say, "them," but in reality we know who's at fault here. JR just wants to cook again. He doesn't want to be a powerful restaurateur. He doesn't want ten restaurants all over town. He wants to do what he does best. Relish, I don't know what they're doing. Changing concepts, changing hours of operation. It reminds me of that old saying, "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." Well, they need to find someone who knows how to be a restaurateur and make Jeanro, Lavomatic, Chalk, etc. viable, wonderful establishments again. If not, they'll go away, and the Wade's will own empty buildings downtown with prime locations. They'll try and rip-off anyone who wants to buy them to open a dream, or their leases will be so exorbitant, that nobody could survive. Come on people. We need them both, and we need them both to do the right thing. I know JR will. The pressure's on now. He's opening a new restaurant on his own. A virtual shoe-string budget. He won't have million-dollar china and silver dinner service. He's doing this with passion, sweat & love. This will be his "family business." Relish has deep pockets. They can do whatever they want. So, why is it then whenever given a choice to do something, they always seem to make the wrong decision? I don't know. So much potential. My prediction. JR's Table open for business long after the Relish group has closed their doors.

Have you seen this person?

I was sitting in a wonderful little bar the other day enjoying a cold beer when I realized that I knew everyone in the place. I didn't know their names, but I knew them. It was after 5:00pm and happy hour was starting to really move a bit. Now this particular bar doesn't serve food, so one of the regulars who works at a restaurant during lunches brings in treats for the gang, and having seen me in there before, offered me a sandwich. Of course I accepted, and knowing that he wasn't making them for paying customers, but rather for friends, he made them with a little bit more toppings than usual. Delicious. There was the old timer at the end of the bar who had been there well-before I got there. Drinking long necks, pouring it 3oz. at a time in a small juice glass, with a separated pile of cash in front him... one for the beers and one for the bartender. There was the lonely guy who talks to everybody and needs his couple of hours in the bar to feel normal again. There was the other lonely guy who is that way because he hates talking, and he sat crumpled at the end of the bar watching the evening news with closed captioning and nursing his Windsor. There's the group of office workers who got out a little early and were still venting about the day. One of the ladies was being chastised for inviting the boss to join them when his day was over, another being applauded for the donuts she brought in for breakfast. One of the fellows with the ladies was trying way too hard to make jokes hoping to court one of the other girls. He doesn't realize that he's a career mail-room guy and she's using the job as a stepping stone to six figures... he doesn't have a chance. Then there's the group of recent retirees, three of them in fact, enjoying every moment of their new found freedom by being drunk at noon, and bitching about the weather because they can't wait to start golfing again. They're being loud, but not obnoxious, and they obviously know the bartender well, because every dirty joke and playful flirt is greeted with appreciation, not disdain. The local mailman is there, done with his day. Looking ragged from the rough weather he's endured. You can tell, he's enjoying his drink almost more than anyone else. Walking in is the out-of-place guy. He's usually out on Friday and Saturday nights, so he thinks his usual act is OK with day-timers. Little does he know, that yelling across the bar, tipping like crap and playing $5 worth of Pearl Jam on the jukebox isn't going to cut it at happy hour. He spends an hour fighting back and forth with the bartender about the appropriate volume level. He loses. He drinks six beers in one hour, ends with a shot of Jager, tips $2 for the whole tab and thinks we'll all miss him when he's gone. Adios! Back to the restaurant employee who brought the sandwiches: He's such a regular that he pays in advance. He gets the same amount beers, and the same two shots everyday. He dishes out the food, sets down his money, minus the obvious "Thank You" no charge for the first couple of rounds and settles in to his stool. If a stranger is in it, he has no problem asking them to scoot down, and in a beautiful move of camaraderie, the rest of the bar has his back and urges the other guy to move. The bartender is beautiful, and you can tell she's worked in a lot bars for a lot of hours and knows all the tricks. She probably got the primo happy hour shift by being attractive, not for having seniority, and it's a perfect fit with all the old guys in the place. One of the office workers asks for some foo-foo shot. I think a chocolate cake shot. Nobody can remember how to make it because everyone in this bar is typically a purist. Straight drinks with maybe a splash of ginger or soda. Ice is the big curve ball. How much or how little? All of this going on around me made me wonder, who am I? Am I a duplicate of one of these characters or am I a completely new species? I came in because I work odd hours and anytime can be 5:00pm for me. I didn't have anywhere to be until 7:00pm when my wife was expecting me home for dinner. My biggest concern was feeling out my system to know whether or not I could have 2 drinks or 5 without the wife thinking I had more than 1. I guess maybe I'm the closet barfly. I come and I go. I enjoy my drinks, but with somewhere else to be. I'm not a wallflower, but I don't over stay my welcome either. I watch some TV and I don't openly criticize the idiot arguing that the moon landing was a conspiracy. I scan the jukebox just to see what kind of music dominates so I have an idea of the personality of the night time crowd. Ouch! Lots of new country and power ballads. I guess this is to be an afternoon option only. That's OK. I have lots of new friends. A cast of characters that I know like family and to think we just only met. I bet every afternoon bar in town has the same crowd.

An introduction... to my soapbox

There seems to be a trend in the local bars and restaurants, and thankfully, it's trending up. That trend, which was M.I.A. 10 years ago, is slowly growing, and to my surprise, Cincinnatians aren't fighting it as much as I thought. It is creativity. Confidence. Curiosity. Education. No more are the masses lining up and being herded into the exact same drink, same music and same cliche menu items from spot to spot. There's interest in knowing more and trying something new. I remember when I was in college (granted that was 15 years ago), I was the goof-ball of my pack of friends. I was the guy who spent a little extra money and bought better beer for the parties. I took a lot of heat, but in the end, I drank better, and I was much happier. What stands out the most about that time is the fact that I had a running list of bars in town that served better beer. The list was short. That list if made today, would easily be ten times the size that it was. Did anyone even know, let alone drink, Belgian Ales or IPA's ten years ago? No. It excites me to see the masses not wanting to settle for the vanilla option anymore. I love seeing a beer list with one maybe two token domestic premium beers, followed by a well thought-out laundry list of imports and micro-craft beers that satisfy curiosity and work with the menu. I love the same attention given to the wine list or the cocktail list. And the menu? I understand there has to be some old favorites, but when 9 out of 10 restaurants have the exact same items with subtle seasoning variations, come on. Give me a break.
One evening I went to a new restaurant downtown. I figured I'd give it some business, check it out, see what it had to offer. What did I find? Caesar salad, potato skins, sliders, Miller Lite specials, blah blah blah. Why make the trip? For the casual visitor who works downtown and commutes out in the evening, why should they stay for happy hour? To spend more money than they should on exactly the same thing that they could get from the Applebee's next to their condo? I left terribly disappointed. Did I return? Yeah, I did, but only because I felt that I should give it another fair shake. I haven't been back a third time. This is far too common. I'm not suggesting that restaurateurs be so crazy, unique that everyone is scared to try their place out, but show us that you cared enough to think outside of the box. It goes the same for wine lists, beer lists and cocktail menus. If I look at one more featured martini list that has a Cosmopolitan or an Apple martini on it, I'll scream. I can get that ready-made in a tin can at a local drive-thru. You don't need to put it on your "featured" list. As far as the wine list is concerned, unless I'm at 4 or 5 star restaurant, I don't need to see how good your wine buyer is at spending money by having 300 wines on the list. That's not impressive. What is impressive, is having a 25-50 bottle list that covers all of the bases for the concept, has a nice range of price, and compliments the hell out of the chef and his menu.
All that having been said, I don't want everyone to think I'm some sort of a beer or wine snob. I just plugged down a can of Burger beer this evening after work. The Cosmopolitan martini... I have no problem with a bar serving or selling it, just know its' place. Potato skins and sliders, I love them. I just don't love them when they cost $13.95 and I'm going out for a night on the town. I can make 'em at home. Usually better. Give me something special. Now if you make the absolute best potato skin in the world, and you do something no one else does, then by all means, keep it going. But let's be honest, that's not happening. If you're some little mom-n-pop neighborhood spot, than that's OK. Give me wings and cheese sticks. But, when you're the next big thing, moving into a high profile spot downtown or in Hyde Park, and you have press releases and the whole nine yards, don't get me all excited for cookie-cutter, blah blah blah.